Beartrap - Chapter Three

"There it is. The sacred bead factory"

Cleist pointed at the colossal mega structure that looks both sacred because of the sculptures and carvings of heavenly beings and industrial due to smoke exhaust pipes and cogs.

"What in hell are you planning to do?? I WANNA JACK OFF THIS CLIFF RIGHT NOW let's go before anyone sees us!"

Voronoi suddenly regretted helping Cleist thinking he tagged along with a lunatic. But he did save him the other day so he needs to repay him somehow.

"Calm your testicles, what we came here for is simple, were gonna sabotage this fanatic factory"

Upon hearing that, Noi confirmed he was right. This nutjob is crazy, maybe he could turn him down and give him a head instead? Everything was happening all too fast.

"What!? That's sacrilege man!"

"sacrilege my ass"

"Look, just shut your anus mouth and do as I say. I will lead you to glory far beyond your wet dreams"

Voronoi hated the fact Cleist had hit him right in the g-spot. But he's definitely right about his thirst for a cum-back redemption.

Cleist stood at the edge of a broken slanted tower and began to scan the area. Slowly looking to the left and to the right, eyes squinted and his hand over his brow. He saw three key opportunities. The central ventilation machine in the factory. A homeless man suffering from constipation. And medics in uniform playing around with a pig on a stretcher.

Upon seeing those three opportunities, he already accomplished the mission inside his head.

"Hey hey, What the FUCK FUCK FUCK are you doing!?"

And Cleist jumped off the edge of the cliff with his arms wide spread like eagle wings. You can even hear an eagle's voice while he's falling.

Luckily, he landed on a cart full of hay. Not a single fracture nor scratch.

"Alright, you jump next"

"No way man, I WANT BIG FAT TITS! I'm going down like a normal person"

Cleist knew that not all people are riskies so he just went on with his plan.

First thing he did was approach the retarded medics. As he approched them, he was already thinking 3 steps ahead of what he needed to do next. He knew and believed that the plan in his head can pull off this crazy stunt.

"Hey there champs, would you mind tell me what you doin'?"

Knowing how serious this operation is, he just had to force a smile so the medics could welcome him.

"Ya see mister, Lloyd here hath been working hard day's night. And he aint had time to play wit his lil piggy Beth"

"I've been scrapin', scrapin' I tell ya mister. Scrappin' dickwads off of uncircumcised geezers"

"You know what, I think you boys and Beth deserve a better way to have fun together, Here take this"

Cleist reached to his pocket and clenched an object inside is fist. As he took it out, he did a slight of hand trick that sparkled the dimwit's eyes, even the pig's.

"Gee, it's so pretty mister, what is it?"

"It's a coin token for the biggest ferris wheel in town"

"Oh my heebeejeebees mister, you're really just gonna give it away?"

Then Cleist clenched his fist as if he wants to keep the coin all to himself.

"Not so fast boys, how 'bout I take your uniforms and stretcher in exchange, so what d'ya say?"

The medics only thought about the negotiation for like three seconds. Because they valued the potential fun they would be having on top of the ferris wheel more than their dickwad scrapin' job.

"Gee, I sure am tired of scrapin' dickwads. You got a deal mister"

The two goons took off their clothes and threw away the stretcher in such a hurry. Their excitement was as if they were kids off to buy a new toy.

And the boys snatched the token from his hands and happily skippity hopped in their undies holding hands with their piggy Beth to the giant ferris wheel.

As of writing this chapter, I assure you dear reader that the token was real. Our boy Cleist ain't as bad as to trick child-like joy.

Voronoi made it just in time being all sweaty from going down the cliff like a normal person. Without having any chance to catch his breath first.

"Here wear this"

"Where'd you get (pant pant) this medic suite?"

asked Noi as he scratched his scalp and groin and smelled it.

"Just trust me and do the 'leap of faith' on this one"

And so Cleist and Voronoi slipped on the medic coats carrying the stretcher and went off to the next part of the plan.

"Where' we FUCKING going?"

"We'll just give a poor soul a visit"

Voronoi just went on with the riddled answer.

"Help! Please help me! Help!"

The two pretenders went to where the plead was coming from. What they saw was appalling beyond all reason. A man just wearing an underwear with a hole ripped for the ass's overflowing feces. The man was wailing in agony, swimming in his own manure.

"Heeeeellp meee.. I'm dying"

His voice was weak, knees and elbows shaking. his tone longs for food, water and bitches.

"Dying from what mister?"

"I got the poopsie! It's like my ass suddenly got a life of it's own. Breathing air in and out! Spitting my shit in embarassing ways!"

"We hear you old man, help me carry him Noi"

"What? no way! HOW BOUT I POUND YOUR ASS OLD MAN? alright fine!"

Both of them were trying to find a shitless spot where they could grab him.

They had a bit of a hard time carrying him because they dont want to touch shit. they eventually got him on the stretcher and went on to the final opportunity for infiltration, the factory entrance.

The entrance to the factory was a huge metallic arc that imposes the idea "hey! this place is super duper important". Three serious looking guards were guarding the entrance.

"Hey, where do you guys think you're going?'"

The big guard spoke with his voice echoing from his metallic helmet.

"Can't you see this man is dying? Just give him his last dying wish"

"Hmmm.. What does he want?"

Cleist tried his best to hide his throat from him swallowing before spitting out a big fat BBW lie.

"He just want a tour of the factory, it was god who commanded him to tour the factory, he said"

The guards scratched their chin though they can't barely scratch it because of their helmet. They nodded as a gesture that they looked convinced.

"Very well, but dont stay too long"

They cracked the entrance security and they immediately went on in, just in case the guards would suddenly change their mind. As they approached inside, another obstruction blocked their path.

“Alright, we need to open the metal door”

Voronoi tried to exert his tantamount effort opening it. He tried push and pull because he know he’d look like a moron if he kept doing it in one direction when it can easily be done in the opposite way. But alas! None of it worked.

“The door is locked!”

“Did you try pulling?”

“Yes, didn’t work either”

“Guess we have no choice. I brought bombs to blow up locked doors just in case”

“Are you crazy? TEENAGE ASS TWERK! The guards will hear us!”

Voronoi screamed and whispered to avoid being heard by the guards and to show how shocked he was at the same time.

“And that's when you come in my foul-mouthed friend”

Despite being a loser with tourette syndrome. Voronoi has a special talent that many do not know, including you, sweet and admirable reader.

He has the ability to spawn spheres of darkness that nullifies all sound inside them.

"SELECT MANA CONSUMPTION FUNCTION"

Cleist pointed his finger at the floor sooted with charcoal and automatically wrote the equation.

“Is that math? God I hate math! What’s that for?”

“No time to explain now. Ok good… it still hasn’t changed, Noi, set your power emission to —-”

“What did you say? I didn’t hear the last FAPPING part”

“I said set your power emission to —-”

“I still can’t hear that, TORPEDO TITS! your voice turns mute on the last part of what your saying”

“Strange, it’s as if the new laws of physics are preventing me from telling you the right configuration for your mana, let me try writing it down on the floor”

He tried writing what he cannot say using his finger, but what he wrote was something else. “DONT TELL HIM” this was what he wrote. Chills crawled their spines like a ghost was with them.

“This math is giving me the creeps man, if your worried about my mana consumption, I already configured it earlier”

“I don’t mean to insult you, but you look like a dumbass, how did you configure it?”

“I bare my asshole under the sun, nature gives me the answers, works everytime. And who’re you calling DUMBASS you jerk!?”

Cleist can’t fucking understand how that works. He just took his word for it that he wouldn’t run out of mana while they’re opening locks.

And so, they began blowing up locks one by one. Placing one bomb on each lock and wrapping it with "silence spheres" so it wouldn't make any noise, just as how real ninjas watch porn on mute.

Continuous silent and stealthy efforts finally led them to what they were looking for. The central ventilation system of the factory. Slowly they placed the suffering man inside it.

“I thought you were gonna bring me to the hospital. What are you gonna do to me?”

“Brother, believe me when I tell you, that I know the cure to poopsies. Inside you, lives a little devil disguised as the purest of pearls. The only way to get it out is to poop and fart with all your heart and soul. Poop and fart as if it is an art, for the devil fears nothing more than fire burning passion. Here take this and eat it.”

He gave the man a can of beans with a shelf life that dates all the way back to 1995. The sick man was half convinced, what Cleist said did sound very scientific and divine. But eating a can of beans that’s about centuries old is too much to jump on. But never the less..

“But it's all urghhh.. too hard to believe…”

“Have faith in me, and you shall have an abundant life of joy”

And the tortured man took a leap of faith and opened the "EZ Open" can of beans and poured everything in his mouth at once. With his mouth still full, he uttered these words of relief.

“In my next life! May it be filled with countless hours of japanese porn fucking in trains and buses!”

Deep growls were heard from the suffering man, as if the highest principalities of hell were upset.

“Voronoi! Shroud the man with your dark spheres!”

“Aye YAMETE!”

Despite Voronoi's fast reaction time, he still didn't make it, 0.2 milliseconds of continental fart noise still echoed throughout the factory before completely silencing everything else.

But the mission was a success, the fart spread throughout the factory and the workers and guards began to leave, other unfortunate ones died.

“Here take this!”

He gave Voronoi and the sick man an air filter mask and they both wear one.

Cleist immediately took a huge sack and started looting as many sacred beads as he could.

“Alright, these loots should be enough. We gotta get out of here”

Voronoi couldn't bear the conscience of leaving the poor man behind so he carried him as they make their escape.

“Just leave me behind man, I'm a gonner”

“No, we're all GONNA FUCK in this together”

Voronoi began to sing "Three ball sacks" in the tune of three blind mice.

And to think fortune will always be by their side. Their luck finally ran out. Huge armored guards wearing air filter masks surrounded them with their backs against the wall.

“Any last words before we butcher you?”

“May your souls burn forever in the lake of fart-flames”

Cleist lit up a match stick and they all jumped down to a trap door on the floor. They immediately closed the door and the whole inside of the factory was engulfed in smelly fire.

Soon we found our heroes (or whatever you want to call them) climbing up the sewer entrance where they can see the whole factory burn to ashes.

The man with his last dying breath spoke.

“I knew you lied to me.. *pant pant.. I know you just wanted to use me.. *pant pant.. This life aint worth it anyway”

After speaking hopelessly, the man did his final burst of shit, and to their surprise...

“I saw you and how your soul burst in passion while you were farting and pooping. And if my words aren't enough proof of what I said, that pearl in your ass wouldn't have come out if you didn't believe in me."

One of Cleist's beartraps bit the pearl, holding it in its fangs, beholding it to the healed man. He cannot believe what his eyes were seeing. The devilish pearl was real!

“You're suffering is no more!”

Cleist’s voice echoed in the healed man’s head. As if he heard the voice of a prophet.

The beartrap crushed the pearl to dust in front of the sick man, he uncontrollably flowed torrents of tears from his eyes, remembering his happier days with his daughter, his wife, his dog, before he was exiled out of his village because of the poopsies.

And the sun sank down and then the new day's sun rose like morning libido..

It was another day at the temple, and people have gathered and are already complaining even before the rooster man got a chance to crow.

“Where are the sacred beads!?”

“Ma'am, I'm pretty sure we'll have stocks again soon”

“How will be protected by God's loving hands without the beads!?”

“To hell! That's where I will go for sure without the beads! I made so much sins that I already lost count”

They were panicking, like their very lives depended on it. I know dear reader that it’s hard to put yourself in their shoes right now. But in this post-apocalyptic world, people will grope any semblance of hope they could get their hands on.

Out of nowhere, a voice of a herald trumpeted to the troubled crowd.

“Fear not! Your soul's salvation is assured!”

It was Cleist who spoke, holding a sack full of sacred beads.

“And who the heck are you?”

“I am here to deliver these sacred beads to the people whose souls need it”

“Sacred beads! Give us! Oh god you truly do love us!”

“But since I only brought so few, I'll be selling them for ten times the price”

“Oh god! Why do you have to haggle us?”

“It doesn't matter! I'm willing to pay any price! If it is for my salvation!”

“Give me one too!”

“Hey! One for me too!”

And Cleist's grin reached up to his ears.